By Chalyce Sherman
This is the final instalment of Chalyce’s story. You can read Part 1 here and Part 2 here.
In high school, I thought things were going to be different. They say you get to start new and that there’s nothing to worry about. Well, short summary: My summer did not go the way I wanted it to. So my reset button got tainted. I won’t go into details. But when I finally got back to school first day I was excited. The rest of the time not so much. I’m gonna let you in on a little hint. There may have been a new building, new kids, and new teachers but nothing new really happened. I still got picked on hardcore. It sent me into a super depressed state. I didn’t go to school dances because I ended up not liking them. I found out for one school dance they were planning on having tons of flashing lights and strobe lights because they knew I would have a seizure. Now I don’t know if its true, but to be careful I didn’t go. I did ask the head of the committee. According to the person at the time they were going to have tons. So I stopped going to dances.
It really wasn’t bad teasing-wise when it came to my seizures for awhile…..and then I ended up having pseudoseizures. Pseudoseizures are my body’s way of dealing with stress. I would have a seizure, normally a tonic clocic or something huge like that, the difference was I was awake for those. The only way I learned to help stop them was to have someone make me laugh or take my mind off of what was stressing me out. Well, when kids saw that, they didn’t believe in pseudoseizures. How was I to expect them to though? They never heard of them and out of nowhere here I am with them? To others I’m sure they thought I was just trying to get attention. That is the opposite of what I wanted at that time. I wanted to be invisible. But when I had one once, I had to buy a cane. Now everyone saw it. And when I came to school with the cane I got teased like no other. I didn’t let it stop me though. I went and sang at my choir concert (knowing everyone from town was pretty much going to be there) and stood with my cane singing. Now, yes, at that time people did take away from the choirs beautiful singing to make fun of me. Yes, it hurt a tons. Felt better though standing there singing and enjoying myself than crying at home.
Now, I really really want to address the fact that I had depression. I had it bad. I learned that epileptics are more likely to be depressed and have anxiety (which I do have) than most people. Problem is those are side effects of epilepsy. Through school I was constantly teased so my depression reached out far. It consumed me in and made me believe that was it in life. I tried to kill myself at age 12. (Yes, because of the bulling at home I got and from school). Obviously I didn’t succeed. And I thank God everyday. And I didn’t just try once I tried many times. But I had no one to tell me I was “normal” for a person with seizures. I wish someone would have said that what I’m going through isn’t different from other epileptics.
I know this story hasn’t been put together well but from now on I will be doing video blogs. I’m better at talking. I will be putting up a Youtube channel describing my experiences and answering questions if anyone has any. I want to raise awareness. So please look up Chalyce Joachim. 🙂 You can learn more there. Also I will be posting my video of my Video EEG on there (as soon as I get it). Thank you for letting me tell you this much of my story. Tune into my channel for more. 🙂